You know you're Australian if ...


* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

* You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

* You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden. Never! I use mine for something illegal like watering the garden or washing the car

* You think it's normal to have a leader called Julia. Not there yet

* You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

* You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.

* You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

* You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bn'. And Brisbane is Bris-ben

* You believe the 'l' in the word ' Australia ' is optional. I like the l

* You know that some people pronounce Australia like "Strayla" and that's ok.

* You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'

* You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its
highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep. Isn't there an Oyster as well?

* You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.

* You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

* You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

* You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

* You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'. Been to both, lived in Woy Woy for a while.

* You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread. You've also squeezed it through Vita Wheats biscuits to make little Vegemite worms. Yum, bought a new jar today

* You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

* Hamburger with Beetroot? Of course!

* You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'. No Way..... 8-)

* You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year. Eat Ze Wagon Wheel.

* You wear ugh boots outside the house.

* You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

* You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them. Lengthening does the same.

* Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order
takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

* You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite.

* You know what it's like to swallow a fly. Ptoohey

* You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.

* Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

* You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'. BISCUITS, they are BISCUITS!

* You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.

* You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

* When working in a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they
order low-alcohol beer.

* You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto etc.

* You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere...no matter where you actually are.

* You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like shit. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.

* You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.

* You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you REALLY mean it.

* You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.

* You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.

* You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam. Yum

* You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours. I have one, in white.

* You've ordered a steak the size of your head and only
paid $5 at your local RSL.

* You know that roo meat tastes pretty good, but not as good as barra. Or a meat pie.

Agree with all the rest, except don't think roo tastes that great.